Burnin' in my dreams
by Sidura
Summary: Linked to Rituals and Chocolate Cream pie  How John and Ellen coped with lose, life, new babies and everything else that was thrown at them after losing Sam, Dean and Jo.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer - I own nothing - I shirk all responsibility and all earthly possessions preferring instead to borrow others and then giving them back later.

This is neither really a prequel or sequel to another story of mine - Rituals and Chocolate Cream pie ( a crossover with Dark Angel), it is kind of an interlude as I have a hulking 19 year gap of nothingness at the end of Chapter 1 of that story. This is an attempt to fill in the blanks.

If you haven't read it, and you can if you like it is around this site somewhere, but if you don't want to the gist is Sam has a vision, but the woman in the vision is killed by the YED. However, this does give the brothers, one laptop with a whole load of information on it and a small three year old girl, Molly, who they take to Ellen.

Using something he found on the computer, Dean has a bright idea which causes not only him, Sam and Jo to disappear (turning up a few years later - hence the crossover part) but Ellen to discover a large Winchester shaped lump in the middle of the summoning circle that Dean was using that goes by the name of John.

This story takes place a few months after that, after John and Molly had gotten out of hospital and with John returning to the hunt.

And if you are interested after reading all of that, this is beta'd - so thanks to Twinkiecat and Rospberry.

* * *

"Mommy, why is Uncle Ash banging on the front door?" Molly asked as she opened the door to Ellen's bedroom; Ash had disturbed the child's sleep.

"I don't know, sweetheart, but let's get you back to bed," Ellen said.

The four year old nodded. "Yes, Mommy."

Ellen led the little girl back to her room and closed the door on the child, picked up the salt canister that sat on the shelf on the wall beside the door, and proceeded to draw a salt line across the floor in front of the child's room.

Then she picked up her shotgun and went to the front door."Whoa, Ellen." Ash put up his hands at the sight of the gun. "I come in peace."

"This better be good, Ash, you woke her up; I should put some buckshot in you just for that," Ellen said. Ever since Molly had come to live with her the child had had a rough time sleeping, though the nightmares had lessened lately.

"He's screaming in his sleep, Ellen, I don't know what to do," Ash said, knowing that the woman didn't need to be told who it was he was talking about. "Plum frightened Munro and Jacobs out of there; they just left their rooms and took off. Ellen, the things he was saying. Christ, they couldn't be real?"

"Shit," she said. "Look, you stay with her, I'll be back as soon as I can."

* * *

The bar was, dark and deserted, though there was a small pile of money sitting on the bar - at least the bastards had paid before they had left. She could hear the screaming from the back.

"Christ, John," she muttered, heading toward the back room.

She fumbled with her keys, finding the one she needed before opening the door, careful not to break the salt line that John had laid.

He was writhing on the bed begging someone to stop, stop the pain, that he'd do whatever they wanted, just stop the pain.

She sat the bottom of the bed, trying gently to raise him by shaking his leg. It caused him to bolt upright, his eyes wide in terror, sweat soaking through his clothes.

"John, do you know where you are?" Ellen asked, making sure she was out of his reach just in case he didn't.

He focused on her. "Ellen?"

"John, do you know where you are?" she repeated.

He took a second, looking around the room. "Your place."

She nodded. "You were having a dream, John, you should try and get some sleep."

"Right," he replied as she took his hand to comfort him.

She placed her other hand on his cheek. "Jesus, John, you're like ice."

"I'm fine." He brushed her hand off, even though he had begun to shiver in a room that was over 80 degrees.

Ellen looked around the room; she only provided the basics for the hunters that had lodged there - she'd lost too many sets of sheets to men who had torn them up to bandage wounds that their egos wouldn't let them go to a doctor for.

"Move up," she said, kicking off her shoes, "and take off your tee shirt."

"What?" he asked, watching her unbutton her jeans, if he hadn't felt like death warmed over already, he would have started to feel uncomfortable.

"Move over and lie down."

John didn't know what to say. "Ellen, I…?"

"Do as you're told," Ellen said. "You're freezing and I'm not having you get sick on me."

John shifted slightly letting Ellen into the bed, holding onto her as the heat from her body ebbed into his. He lay there unsure what to do, eventually slipping into a peaceful night's sleep – not one laced with bitter memories that haunted his every hour.

She was gone when he woke up; he was refreshed, awake, almost alive for the first time since he came back. He gathered his things and packed up the Impala, hoping that he'd soon have a lead of something, the Demon, his boys, of Jo, of something, of anything.

* * *

"Uncle John, Uncle John!" Molly screamed when she saw the Impala parked in the lot outside the Roadhouse as she hadn't seen the car in months; the little girl tore into the bar to find John sitting on a barstool sipping a beer.

He smiled as he saw her, picking her up. "Hey, little lady, what have you been doing?"

"Uncle Ash and me went to the zoo with his new friend," Molly said.

"Really, did you? Your mom didn't tell me." He glanced over at Ellen, who was standing behind the bar.

"Mom had to go see the beer man, but I got an ice cream, and Uncle Ash got all shy because his friend wanted to hold his hand."

John smiled. "Really?"

Ellen smiled as John put down the little girl. "The wonders of internet dating."

"Ash got himself a girl?" John said.

"Not sure yet," Ellen replied.

John smirked. "Not sure he's got her, or not sure she's really a girl?"

"That's enough from you," Ellen said to John as the little girl ran out the back.

* * *

It was late, and Ellen had shut up the bar and was about to head home, when she heard the apologetic cough from behind her. She turned carefully as she carried the sleeping girl in her arms, as she tended to let Molly sleep in the office while Ellen worked the bar. "John, you need anything?" Ellen asked.

John took the sleeping child from her silently, and he and Ellen walked the short distance to her home, saying nothing until they got to the threshold

"Look I need…" John started, and Ellen watched him. "I need…"

"You lost for words or something?"

"I need a night's sleep, Ellen. I'm done, I'm wiped, and I'm starting to get sloppy. "

"So, what do you expect me to do?" Ellen asked, confused, as they entered the house.

John blushed slightly. "That night, the last time I was here, I had the first good night's sleep since I got back.

"So?"

"I was wondering, I was hoping… nothing funny or anything, but could I…?"

"Bunk in with me tonight?" she asked.

He looked so sincere and contrite, wringing his hands after he put Molly down in the child's room

"I'll understand if you want me to go," John said. "I'll go."

John Winchester was standing there, begging her just to be there for him

Maybe it was weakness on her part, just wanting someone to be there who could understand what she went through every time she passed the door to Jo's bedroom, the pain he must go through every time he sat in that car. She nodded.

He was gone when she woke, gone before Molly got up; the only evidence that someone had shared her bed was the slightly crumpled sheets that still felt slightly warm to the touch

After that night, he shared her bed, whenever he showed up at the Roadhouse; he was always gone before Molly woke, and they did nothing more than share a bed – finding comfort in having someone warm sleeping beside them. Like the act of the other breathing next to them eased something that had been broken inside their souls.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - I own nothing - I shirk all responsibility and all earthly possessions preferring instead to borrow others and then giving them back later.

As for and explanation for this please see chapter 1. - Please let me know if you like this or not.

* * *

He woke up screaming as the memories leached into the small sanctuary he had found in Ellen's bed, but this time, instead of the darkness swallowing him, someone's hands clung to him. He began to sob, letting out some of the pain that he felt, for the futile deal he had made: his life for Dean's. Now he was back and he had lost the both of them.

She held him as the tears found their way down his face, the salt water getting into the scratches on his cheek from his last hunt. She rocked him in her arms, gently brushing his hair.

His lips caught hers in as much an act of desperation as a thank you; he never expected her to respond, her kiss deepening at his touch, feeding off his need for contact as much as he had begun to feed off her need for someone who understood.

It wasn't love or pleasure that had gotten them to this point, it was guilt. Guilt it hadn't been them, guilt that they were still there and not their children, not their partners, not the people they really loved; they just wanted the ache to go away.

They lay together, spent, not sure what to say, he unsure if he should go, she unsure if he was going to stay. They lay there in silence.

He was gone before Ellen woke up, his things and the Impala too, she didn't know if he'd ever come back.

* * *

It was a few months later when he showed up again; there had been a possible sighting of Sam and her place was on the way. He said that it didn't sound promising but he thought she should know. He was planning to leave when Molly saw him, the child whooping in delight upon seeing the car in the lot.

Ellen watched the interaction between John and her little girl who begged him to stay.

"I'll be gone as soon as I can," John said as the girl left.

Ellen shook her head. "Molly wants you to stay, and as you said they saw Sam a couple of months ago, so what is one more night?"

"I'll stay in the back room."

She didn't argue; she just nodded.

He heard the knock on the door, waking him from the light sleep he had entered. He opened it carefully to find her standing in the hallway; she didn't say a word just pushed him back into the room.

This time it was her turn to leave before dawn.

He had been right about the sighting – it wasn't Sam, just some kid who was tall and shaggy and the same build. He found his way back to the Roadhouse, not easy after the tequila he had worked his way through.

This time it was rough, hard and quick; it was just some way to release the pain he felt at another dead end. She didn't complain that he hadn't considered her, just let him crumble at the disappointment, feeling another small piece of hope die inside both of them.

They woke up together in the little back room of the Roadhouse, taking their time in excising a little more of their grief, connecting to the only other person who might have an idea of the pain they each felt.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer - I own nothing - I shirk all responsibility and all earthly possessions preferring instead to borrow others and then giving them back later.

As for an explanation please see Chapter 1 - also please let me know what you think good and bad!

* * *

He left again after that, not to be seen for months, not until Ash called to tell him something was wrong with her; that for the past few days Ellen had just been sitting in Jo's room, not bothering to open up the bar. That he had taken the kid to stay at the Roadhouse with him because the woman wasn't right. 

He found Ellen sitting on Jo's bed, staring into space.

"Ellen, what's happened?" He knelt down beside her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ash called me," John replied. "He was worried, said you been here since Tuesday."

She pulled him toward her, climbing him like a pole.

"Jesus, woman!"

"Please, John, please," Ellen said, tears in her eyes.

He carried her to her room and did as she asked.

* * *

She curled up into a tight ball as he held her afterward. "Go, you should go." 

"Why?" John asked.

"Just go, John, get out!" Ellen said furiously, pulling away from him.

"Not until you tell me what is going on," John said, sitting up.

She didn't turn round. "I want you out of my house, out of my life. You hear me?"

"Fine!" He gathered his things and left the room, hearing her weep as he slammed the door.

When she opened the door of her bedroom she found him sitting on the couch, scrubbing his face with the palm of his hand.

"Ellen, what's wrong?"

"I want you to go, John, you don't want this."

John was confused. "What? I don't want what?"

"Nothing."

"Christ, Ellen, Ash took your daughter away from here 'cause he's scared. Haven't you noticed that she isn't here?"

Ellen looked around the house; she hadn't noticed the absence of the child. Christ, this was so fucked up.

"John, please just go," Ellen said tiredly.

"What the hell is up with you?" John asked. "Something happen? You hear something? What is it?"

She didn't say a word.

"Ellen, how the hell am I to help if I don't know what it going on?"

"Oh, you helped, didn't you? Done your part. You should leave," Ellen spat out, closing herself off from any possible pain.

John swallowed. Had she heard something? Had she had bad news? Had someone found the bodies and she had been too cut up to call him?

"Ellen, what's happened? Is it Jo? What have you heard?" John asked, standing up.

"Just get the hell out of my house, John."

"I'm not moving until you tell me what is going on." He was yelling at this point, not caring that he was towering over her.

"You want to know, you really want to know?" she spat back.

"Do you think I'm here for the good of my health?"

"I'm pregnant!"

John was sure he hadn't heard that right. "What?"

"Congratulations, Winchester, you're not shooting blanks. Now get out."

He took a step back. "Are you sure?"

"No, I read it in my horoscope," she said mockingly. "Stupid bastard, 'course I'm sure."

"But how?" he asked. "At your…"

"At my age? Hell, John, I don't know, guess your boys found the last of my good eggs or something," she replied. "I'd missed a couple, and I'd felt like shit for a few weeks – didn't think anything of it, I thought that I was just getting to that age."

"And?" he asked.

"Went to the doctor, took a blood test. Didn't know that he'd test it for everything."

"How far along?" John asked curiously.

"About three months," she replied, "give or take; won't know 'till I get the damn scan."

"What do you want to do?" John asked tentatively, thinking he had no right to an opinion on this.

She shrugged, crossing her arms. "I don't know yet."

"Do you want it?"

"All I know is I want you out of here!"

She shed a tear as he left, as she heard the engine roar, seeing the dust as he tore down the road.

She didn't see him after that, but she knew he was there, outside every doctor's appointment, outside the store when she bought Molly's birthday present. She knew he was watching as she had lingered at a shop window looking at a dress; a dress that wasn't her, but was pretty, and that she could grow into.

Damn hormones – what the hell was she thinking having a child at her age and on her own.

She had found the box on the porch the next day, no card, and in the wrong size, but the receipt was there just in case. She looked around, seeing nothing. She found extra protection charms scattered around her place.

In any other circumstance, she'd swear she had a stalker, but she understood what he was doing – not wanting to screw up another child.

Damn Ash for telling him her schedule.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : Please see previos chapters.

A/N - Timeline - this chapter is set in 2009, this is because this is kind of a cross with Dark Angel, actually it is a little step out from another story Rituals and Chocolate cream pie. (I got stuck with that story and started filling in blanks and came up with this), hence why there is no Sam or Dean and John is alive.

Please let me know if you think it works.

* * *

John wasn't there went it hit; when the channels went down, when the news stopped. Ash had said that he was a couple of states away.

Molly had come running home from school saying that everyone in town was acting funny, like they were all scared. The little girl hugged her mom, talking to the place where the bump lived, telling it that everything would all be all right and it was to stay in there till the grown ups had stopped acting funny.

Ellen didn't know what to say. She and Ash had driven into town to see the start of the looting begin, to see the cops respond, to find the martial law notice pinned to the front of the town hall.

They had collected some gas and medical supplies, as well as some other bits and pieces, and headed home. They first started to see the glow of the fires from town over the hill that night.

Ash and she boarded the windows of the Roadhouse, moving what they needed from the house to the more secure bar; then they sat and waited for the storm to pass.

A couple of cars passed by; she wasn't sure if they were hunters or not – but she wasn't willing to let them in, they didn't have enough to share. A knock or two had rattled the door, and Ellen had held her breath, her hand on her swelling belly. Where was he? Was he all right? Was he still alive?

* * *

Ash had been out the back with the little girl when the door was kicked in. There were three of them, three she didn't know and didn't care to know, probably from town. She had heard the engines of their vehicles; but she was prepared, standing there with Jo's rifle, not giving away the fear she felt. They rounded on her, demanding supplies, not that they expected her to hand anything over.

She'd put a hole in one when one of the others slapped her, sending her to the floor. It was over before it had begun; someone had pulled the guy off her and they were gone before she could get to her feet, leaving a blood trail on her floor.

When John walked back into the bar she clung onto him, she sobbing in his arms, she didn't care where he had come from, just thanking god he was there.

"Where were you?" she asked, between gulps of air.

"Arizona. I started driving as soon as it happened," he said, stroking her hair, his tears falling freely. "I'm so sorry, I should have got here sooner, I should never have left you alone."

"I told you to go," she replied. She sat on the floor, holding onto him for all she was worth. "I shouldn't have done that."

"I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

From what they could gather, someone had let off a bomb in the atmosphere back east – it hadn't hit that far west, but the whole country was going to hell as the central control of infrastructure had begun to fall apart. No-one was sure if it was a onetime thing, or if they were under attack.

John had stayed, helping Ash repair the damage that others had done to the Roadhouse; the younger man angry with himself for being with the kid and not by Ellen's side when the men came. John had told him that these things happen, that it was worse in some places he had passed.

The two men took turns at keeping watch as Ellen rested, scared that the blow she had received, along with the stress, had done something to the baby.

Baby. She hadn't really thought about it as a baby up until that point, she had just been pregnant, but now she felt the little life inside her, and she was going to bring it into a world that was falling apart.

Molly hugged her mother as both of them curled up on the bed in the backroom that now served as her and her mommy's bedroom since the move from the house.

Uncle John had told the little girl that, right now, her mommy needed special care, and that was her responsibility. He and Uncle Ash had to look out for bad people, but, her mom needed someone to watch over her. John told the little girl that she was to come get either him or Ash if her mom felt sick or wasn't herself or even just made a funny face.

Molly had nodded at his instruction and followed it to the letter, only letting Ellen out of her sight when she went to the bathroom.

"Christ, John, it's like you set a damn hellhound on me," Ellen said as the little girl finally left to get washed and dressed, after making sure that someone else was in the room with Ellen.

John smiled. "Girl was frightened, needed something to focus on."

"Did it have to be me?" Ellen asked.

"You going to tell us if something is up?" John enquired.

"If something is wrong with me, I'm capable of telling you."

John nodded. "I'm going to go into town today."

Ellen stilled; she didn't want him to go.

"I need to see what the state of play is – Ash isn't getting anything, and the radio is still dead. It's like the world has cut us off or something."

"John, I don't know if that is a good idea," Ellen said, remembering how her neighbors had begun to descend into chaos that last time she had ventured out.

"Winter's coming, Ellen, and I don't know if this will be over before that, but I'm going to see what I can get to see us through it – and I'm going to see if I can find a doctor to check you out."

"John, I'm fine. I'm pregnant, not dying – it's not like I haven't been here before."

He shook his head, reaching out for her hand. "The world has gone to hell, and you ain't nineteen years old anymore. There aren't any hospitals or anything like before, and I don't want…"

She felt his grip tighten as he found the strength to continue. "Ellen, if there has to be a choice, I choose you."

"John, don't," she said. It was the closest someone, other than her children, had come to saying that they cared about her since Bill had died. "I… We've got months yet."

"I know, but with everything going down, I want to make sure that you are all right… please."

He left early and didn't return that night. Molly had told Ash that her mom had cried all night long; she had asked him if her mom was all right, if that was one of the things that Uncle John had meant her to look out for. Ash had answered the girl with a simple shake of the head, saying that sometimes grown ups didn't know what was good for them until it was gone.

* * *

Two more days passed before he returned in her old battered pickup truck, his arm bleeding, and a scared young man tied up in the back. He'd gotten supplies and clothes - as well as things that they didn't need: a little mobile to hang somewhere, even though they didn't have a crib yet.

"Uncle John!" Molly yelled, greeting him, though Ellen could see him viably wince as he picked up the child.

"I couldn't find a doctor. Found him though," John said, pointing to the man he had brought with him.

Ash took off the gag off the young man who immediately said, "Please let me go."

"Who is he?" she asked

"Nurse. Found him in Lincoln," John answered, putting Molly down.

"Lincoln? You went to Lincoln?" Ellen asked.

"What do you want? Please, I got a family, can you let me go?" the man pleaded.

"First, look at her," John said as Ellen tried to get a better look at his wound.

"Screw that, John, what happened?" Ellen asked as John tried to shake her off.

"It's nothing!" John said, before turning to Ash and the terrified young man. "Get inside and get him cleaned up."

Ash nodded as he helped the man to his feet, and the two of them went inside the Roadhouse, followed by the little girl.

"You said you were going to town, not to Lincoln," Ellen said angrily.

John clenched his jaw. "I couldn't find what I needed in town."

"And what was that?"

He told her about the med center in town, how it had been trashed, how he'd tried to find her notes but didn't have much luck, how there was no sign of a doctor or anyone. He'd decided to go further; he'd found a clinic in Lincoln that was more or less intact. The nurse had been hiding in one of the back rooms as the town had gone mad.

"I got some supplies and some other stuff," John said as he went over to the pickup truck and picked up the cooler in the front. He'd raided the clinic supplies, picking up vaccines, anaesthetics and antibiotics. Things they might need later on.

It took a while to get the nurse to calm down; John promised to take him back to Lincoln as soon as he made sure Ellen was all right. The man, who said his name was Nick, didn't know what to say, unsure at first, but after a meal and some sleep he had agreed to take a look at the woman who was almost six months along.

"What did your doctor say before the pulse?" he asked after he examined her.

"Pulse?" Ellen asked.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, that is what they're calling it; from what I heard it wasn't nuclear but might well have been, just screwed everything up."

She sat up. "EMP?"

He nodded. "Completely fried the Eastern Seaboard, just spread chaos out here."

"Right."

"Your doctor, what did he say?"

"That I was doing well, but that was a while ago."

"Right. I'd say the same, but you do look a little anaemic. I think your husband has that covered, though, took half the damn pharmacy. You get your test results back before it hit?" Nick asked.

Ellen shook her head, knowing what he was on about; she had had her amnio days before it had begun, the doctor having to send it to the city for the results. Results she had never received thanks to outside events.

"Okay, well there are some things that you may want to watch out for… considering you age." He wrote down some things, so she knew what she possibly could expect.

She didn't realize that she hadn't corrected him about John being her husband until much later, although when she thought about it she couldn't blame the young man. John still wore his wedding ring from Mary, he had found it in the back of his journal when he had gone the things that the boys had left.

John took him back to his hometown after the poor man explained what would need to be done when Ellen went into labour, and what to do in case of an emergency. Molly sat on Ash's knee, as they all listened, not wanting to miss anything; though hands were put over the little girl's ears when the nurse explained the finer details of what was involved in a Caesarean.

* * *

Ellen sat by the window with Molly in her lap, waiting for John to return. It was a little after two when he got back and he found them both asleep. He picked up the child and took her to her room, before returning to move Ellen

She stirred as he picked her up. "It's okay," he said as she opened her eyes for a second.

He placed her on her bed beside Molly, stroked her hair as he readied himself to go; she grabbed his hand.

"Stay, please?" she asked.

He curled up beside them in the small bed, each holding onto each other; a small family being formed in spite of itself.

Ash banged on the door the next morning. "Food's up."

John woke up; Ellen was asleep but Molly was no longer lying beside them, the girl was standing in the doorway with Ash.

"Like I said, man, food's up; unless you two want some extra alone time or something?" Ash said with a small smirk on his face.

"Morning, Ash," John said as Ellen woke.

* * *

Ash had gotten his computer to work, had to bounce off a Canadian signal, but he'd gotten some information. Molly watched the computer, fascinated, as Ash told her what each of the buttons did. Information was scarce but it appeared that the army was trying to regain control in the major areas.

John was outside chopping wood, Ellen sitting watching him work. Something inside her was making her itch. He smiled at her when he started to pile the logs; she blushed slightly, damn those dimples, stupid hormones.

"You okay?" he asked as he took a mouthful from the water bottle.

She nodded and took a breath, relaxing, just beginning to bask in the gentle autumn breeze. Then he had to go and do it, didn't he? He had to go and pour the rest of that water over himself to cool down after all that exercise.

He hadn't expected her to launch herself at him but she did; it had been more than twenty years since he had had to deal with a pregnant woman.

"Ellen!" he had said. She didn't reply, just continued to do what she was doing.

He pushed her away for a second. "Not here, not outside; Ash or Molly could come outside."

She took him by the hand and led him back inside to one of the rooms they hadn't been using. They spent the afternoon in that room, would have spent most of the evening in it too if they hadn't heard a voice outside calling their names.

Molly asked her mom where she had been as the little girl couldn't find her or Uncle John all day. Ash just chuckled when John made an appearance pointedly entering from the other side of the Roadhouse.

Molly found herself alone in the room that night, being told that it was time for the little girl to have her own room. Molly just asked who was going to watch over her mom? Ellen said that she was going to be moving into one of the other big rooms of the roadhouse with Uncle John; that he was going to make sure that she and the bump were all right so that Molly could have a break.

The little girl had nodded, approving of the idea that they should move to one of the big rooms, she had said that the little room where Uncle John had his things was too small and they would need room to move. Ash just started to laugh at the little girl's innocent appraisal on the situation.

John glowered at Ash, causing the young man to quickly find that he needed to somewhere else. However, she couldn't help but notice that as John watched Ash disappear, something was missing.

John was had taken off his wedding band.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer - Please see previous chapters.

* * *

John had gone to South Dakota; he'd been gone less than a week but came back with a lame dog, who wore a tag that read Patton, whose leg needed fixing, a whole load of books, and an 'I don't want to talk about it' look on his face.

Patton had taken to Molly instantly as the little girl watched her mother bandage his leg. He followed Molly where he could, the girl slowing down to let the large dog catch up. It was as if the dog was watching over the child as a penance for some terrible crime that he had committed.

John had sat and told Ellen that he had burned Bobby's bones; that his good friend had been taken out early on, that the bastards that had done it had at least buried the man in a shallow grave, after taking what they wanted from his things, not realising that they had probably destroyed the finest library of occult books in the continental US.

He had salvaged what he could and taken the dog, who had obviously been shot when Bobby had stood his ground. He'd found the thing mourning the loss of its master, waiting to die, though its wound and its body didn't seem to be playing ball. Instead, John had found it standing guard over Bobby's grave as if it could now defend its master better in death than it had been able to when Bobby was alive.

John spent the next few days sitting outside watching Molly and Patton getting to know each other. With Ellen sitting beside him, he had mumbled something about going to Lawrence, finding out about someone called Missouri. He was trying to talk himself into going, but Ellen could tell he was expecting the worst, and he couldn't go through taking care of the remains of another friend just yet. She held his hand silently, moving it over to her belly as the baby moved. He gave her a weak smile.

* * *

The winter came; it wasn't as hard as it could have been, a small mercy they supposed. The town was quiet, and the people were still frightened; the National Guard had been seen on one of the roads outside town. The power was back, for part of the day at least, though the small town didn't have much in the way of amenities at that moment. There had been a couple of airdrops of food; the Red Cross organising things from across the border.

The first snow fell and Molly and John made a snowman. Ash had announced that he didn't do the cold and Ellen threw something at him, saying if that was the case, why the hell hadn't he moved to Florida years ago. Ash had replied that it had been a good thing that he hadn't, seeing the state that Miami was in. A hurricane had hit not that long after the pulse and caused more destruction in a city already suffering from riots.

Christmas came and went as Ellen got more and more antsy; she had run out of maternity clothes that fit, instead moving into John's shirts, as well as a couple of skirts that she had made. However, clothing aside, she was thankful she was at this stage in winter, preferring the cool winter air rather than suffering the discomfort of being nine months pregnant in the middle of the summer heat.

The snow began to fall again and Molly wanted to go sledding. Ash and John fixed up an old sled of Jo's for the little girl's Christmas present – they had found it in the remnants of the old house; it was still standing but looters had cleaned it out before John had gotten there.

Molly was putting on her hat and scarf and was ready to go outside and play when they found Ellen bent over in pain; her water had broken.

John walked Ellen to the room they had prepared.

He turned to leave. "I'll be back; I'm going to find a doctor."

"No!" she had snapped bearing down on the pain, the dull ache had started the night before; she knew that the contractions had started then, but didn't want to disturb anyone until the time was right.

"Ellen, you need a doctor," John pleaded.

"You'll never find one in time, you don't know there still is one in town, and I don't want you going out in this," Ellen said, clutching onto his hand.

"I'll find one and it is just starting, I can get back before it gets too heavy."

Molly stood at the doorway watching her mom and Uncle John.

Ellen stroked John's face. "You can do this, we've talked it through."

"What if something goes wrong?" John asked, trying not to sound as panicked as he actually was.

"John Winchester, you have battled werewolves, vampires, and even climbed out of hell, what do you have to be scared about?" Ellen asked. "Women have been having babies since the dawn of time; anyway, I'm the one doing the hard work. Now, go get Ash and get what you need."

Molly climbed up onto the bed beside her mom as John left. The little girl put a hand on her mother's belly. "Bump going to be here soon?"

"Yes, sweetheart," Ellen said to the confused child.

"Is it going to hurt?" Molly asked.

Ellen nodded. "I'm not going to lie to you, I'm going to be hurting bad, but you got to be strong for me, all right? Whatever happens, you got to let John and Ash do what they have to do, all right?"

"But I don't want you to hurt."

"Oh, it will just be for a little while, and then you're going to get a little brother or sister," Ellen said, smiling as John came back into the room.

"Will it look like you or Uncle John?" Molly asked.

John hovered in the doorway; they hadn't actually told the girl that it was John's child.

"I don't know, honey, might not look like either one of us," Ellen said.

"So, what will it look like then?" Molly asked.

John picked up the little girl and put her on his lap as he sat down beside Ellen. "He'll be pink and yucky at first, but then he'll grow."

"A boy, huh?" Ellen said, clutching onto his hand as another contraction hit. "Who says?"

John smiled. "Well, they say it's up to the father, don't they? Had two boys, and they do tend to run in my family."

"Bean and Sam-I-am?" Molly asked him.

John nodded, absentmindedly pulling the little girl closer to him, not noticing that he had tightened his grip until she winced a little. He had tugged a little too hard at the scar that ran across the middle of the girl in his arms. She had gotten it the night it had happened, when Ellen had found him in the center of that summoning circle and Molly in a pool of her own blood with a part of a two-by-four sticking in her. The only remnants of their respective children were Dean's shirt on the floor of the cabin and Jo's jacket in the back of the Impala.

"Are you going to stay?" the little girl asked, voicing the question that Ellen had been too frightened to ask.

John shrugged. "I want to, do you want me to?"

The question was put to Molly, though it was really meant for Ellen to answer.

"We're not going to stop you." Ellen smiled as Ash went about sterilizing things.

"Are you going to be Bump's daddy?" Molly asked John.

John nodded. "Yes, sweetheart, I am."

Molly looked at her mom for a second, before turning back to Uncle John. "Can you be my dad too?"

John didn't know what to say, looking at Ellen for some guidance.

"If he wants to be, then sure," Ellen said, smiling. "Do you want to?"

"Yeah, I'd be proud to be," John said to the little girl as she hopped off the bed.

John kissed Ellen hard, not caring about the fact that the world was falling apart, that he hadn't found the demon, that they were doing this in the back room of a dingy bar and not in a hospital or somewhere better. This moment was perfect.

"I love you, you know that don't you?" he said.

Ellen smiled at him. "You better, Winchester, especially seeing the mess you got me into."

"Good. Cause you're not getting rid of me, woman."

She grimaced as another contraction hit. "But, you are never touching me ever again, you hearing me?"

"Right, getting the message loud and clear." He helped get more her comfortable, offering up a silent prayer that they both would be all right, praying that both Ellen and the baby would get through this.

* * *

Molly sat outside the room, stroking Patton's head as the mutt rested it in her lap, listening to her mom scream things that she'd only heard come from the mouths of some of the men that used to come to the bar. Two hours later the crying began, and Molly went into the room to be introduced to a grubby squalling pink–thing, wrapped tightly in a blanket, and held close to Ellen.

John picked the girl up, smiling. "Do you want to meet your new baby brother?"

Molly nodded, as John sat down with her on his lap beside Ellen.

"Hello," Molly said, peering in at the bundle in her mother's arms. "You're gunky."

Ellen smiled at her daughter, then looked at Ash. "He's not going to be called 'Gunky'."

"Sure he's not," Ash said as he went to get a basin of water to let them clean the baby up.

"So, what is he going to be called?" Molly asked.

"I don't know," Ellen replied; they hadn't discussed names, it was like they didn't want to plan too far ahead, not wanting to tempt fate.

"Not after the boys," John said quietly; if they named this child after the boys then he'd be admitting defeat and he wasn't ready to do that yet.

Ellen nodded, feeling the same. "Not Joseph or Joe, either."

John kissed her, she was tired and sweaty but to him right now she was the most beautiful sight in the world.

John looked in the blanket at the little face, who was still in shock at the fact that he had just been born. "William."

Ellen looked at John in surprise; she should have expected something like this. She had forgiven John a long time ago for what had happened; John had done what needed to be done 'cause it wouldn't have been Bill he would have brought home if he hadn't.

"William Robert," she said.

* * *

She first noticed something was wrong when she tried to feed William, or Billy as they'd taken to calling him; he took it, but he was slow, and he seemed to bring too much of it back up. John said it was because she was nervous, and that the baby was picking up on it.

A few months later there was no doubting it: little Billy wasn't hitting the marks that babies his age should, he was trying but he was just missing them. He was a happy baby, but he was getting too many colds and infections for her liking. John had reminded her that it wasn't like before the pulse: they were still boiling water and public health wasn't exactly in the same state.

She took the baby to the doctor that had started coming to the town once a month, after John had finally headed off to Lawrence to see if his friend Missouri had survived.

She had sat in the tent, Molly and Patton waiting outside and Billy sleeping happily in his seat at her feet, as she went over almost every possible scenario in her mind. From her age, to the pulse, to the possibility that the demons who had held John had done something to him that he'd unknowingly passed on, even that God was punishing her for not looking more for Jo. Everything she could think of, including that she had just become the thing she had hated first time round – a neurotic mother.

She sat in front of the doctor, waiting for the worst, and when he had said the words 'Down Syndrome' she inhaled sharply. She had known what that was, that it was her that had done this to her baby, that older mothers had a greater chance of having a 'Down's' child. It would have been picked up in the amnio, the results of which she hadn't received thanks to the detonation of that EMP device.

She had said 'thank you' for the doctor's time after he had sat and explained everything, giving her leaflets and telling her it wasn't a death sentence, that her son could have a full life. He had been very polite and told her that her little boy had a chromosomal condition, and the only thing she had to say was 'thank you'.

She had been too frightened to open the leaflets when she had gotten back to the house, sitting looking at the small pile on the table. Ash had asked what was wrong, but she wouldn't tell him.

* * *

John came home later that night; he had a smile on his face and enough baked goods to feed a small army, as well as a load of knitted cardigans and clothes for the baby. He'd found Missouri quite happily holed up with her church group. They were helping organize the clean up of Lawrence, which hadn't suffered too badly.

Missouri had been more than a little surprised to see him, thinking that he hadn't pulled through, and was more than a little shocked when he had told her about why he hadn't come looking sooner. Boy, had she cried, saying that it was good that he had finally moved on from Mary and had found someone who could understand what he had gone through.

He'd only been there two nights, but the Ladies of Lawrence Baptist Church had gone into overdrive, organizing things for him to take back, 'cause knowing him, that woman was doing almost everything herself, and being a typical man he wasn't noticing.'

When he left, Missouri had given firm him instructions that as soon as soon as it was safe he was to send her word so she could come and see Ellen and the child. He had told her it would be safer if they came to see her, causing Missouri had scowled at him, telling him that he was a damn fool if he thought she was going to let him travel halfway across the country with a two babies in tow, especially with the world as it was.

He found Ellen sitting in the dark, staring into space.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he turned on the light.

She didn't look up. "It's my fault."

"What's your fault?" he asked, putting down the cakes and other packages he had in his arms.

"I'm sorry." She held back the tears. "I should have known that something was wrong before."

"Ellen, what's happened," John asked. "Is it the children?"

"You should leave, John. I wouldn't blame you."

John tensed. "Wait a minute, where the hell did that come from?"

"I wouldn't blame you for going. You can get out now."

He pulled out a chair, something was seriously wrong and this was how Ellen coped; going the independent route, focusing on the problem and kicking out anyone that could get in her way.

"I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say, so what's happened?"

She looked at him. "I took Billy to the doctor."

"When? Why?" John asked.

"I was worried," Ellen said, focusing on the pile of leaflets on the table.

"And what did he say?" John asked with his heart in his throat.

"You lost your boys, and I gave you a defective replacement." Ellen started to cry.

He moved to hold her but she pushed him away; he picked up one of the papers looking through it for a second.

"I've seen you with him; I've seen the way you tell him of all the things that he's going to do, the things you are going to teach him. I'm sorry, John, but he isn't going to do any of that," Ellen said, controlling herself the best she could.

John picked up another leaflet and another, reading a bit and pulling another. Shoving them to the floor.

"Screw them!" John said firmly, pulling Ellen into his arms. "Who the hell are they to tell our boy what he is or is not going to be able to do? Our boy is going to do exactly what he wants to, not what they say, not what I say. I've made that mistake before. I pushed Sam too hard and look where that got me, I lost him and Dean, and you lost Jo."

"But he isn't going to do the things you want," Ellen reiterated.

"So, did Jo ever do what you wanted her to do?" John said, smiling. "So what if it takes him a little longer to get his head around stuff, just means that he takes after his father."

Ellen let out a little laugh.

"That's better," John said. "You didn't give me a defective replacement. He's not a replacement, not to you or to me; neither is Molly and you know it. I'm not going anywhere, I told you that, woman, you got me for the long haul here."

"You are a pig-headed bastard, you know that?" Ellen said.

"Takes one to know one; anyway, who else would put up with me? And I've got into this stupid habit of actually liking having someone to come home to."

"So you're just being selfish."

"If wanting to see the two of them grow up is selfish, then yes, I am, and if you want me to go you'll have to do a damn sight more than try nd kick me out, more than even kill me; I've been dead once and made it back, and I'd do it again if I had to."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer - Please see earlier chapters

* * *

Days before Billy's six month birthday, John left in the middle of the night. Ellen scowled, yelling at Ash, who had come over from the new apartment he had been sharing with his new girlfriend, a girl who had come back to town to find her family.

John hadn't left a note, and his things were still there. But, Patton was on guard duty when she had gotten up, something the dog did when John wasn't home.

The car pulled into the yard a day later; she ran out to meet it, hitting him hard as he got out the car. "Where the hell have you been? You know how many days we have left."

John rubbed his jaw as he recovered from the blow.

"I see that you are more than a match for him!" a little black woman said, getting out of the passenger side of the car.

"Who are you?" Ellen asked.

The woman looked at John. "Didn't tell her you were going to get me, huh?"

John shrugged.

The little woman closed the car door. "I'm Missouri, and you must be Ellen."

"Yes I am, and not that it isn't nice to finally meet you, but why are you here?"

Missouri smiled. "Never thought I'd see it, but he's found someone as stubborn as he is."

She turned to John. "You can get the bags."

"I take it you're here to see the baby?" Ellen said to Missouri, scowling at John as he busied himself with the bags.

"Of course – where is the little one and that girl of yours?"

As John sorted out Missouri's things, Ellen led Missouri into the house to the baby's room where Billy was sleeping.

Missouri picked him up. "Oh, little one, aren't you a peach?"

Billy blinked away as he woke up though he didn't cry.

She turned to Ellen. "He's got Sammy's eyes"

"I know," Ellen said, "and my girl's chin."

"Hope you decided that he's going to take after you, rather than his father."

Ellen gave the other woman a grudging smile. "Don't know, John's got some good qualities. I figure that if he gets a little of the good and bad from both of us, he will do okay."

Missouri smiled. "You do have a brain inside your head, then?"

"I may have made the mistake of taking up with him, but I figure I could have done worse."

"So could he. Doesn't do to get too lonely."

"We don't stay together 'cause we're lonely," Ellen said.

"Good, now we understand each other you ready to do what needs to be done?"

"I'm no idiot; we got three days till he turns six months. That is three days to get this place ready in case the worst happens."

"You don't think he'll come though?" Missouri asked.

She shook her head. "Demon's gone to ground, but I'm not going to risk it. I'm guessing you're here to make sure I stay out of the way."

Missouri nodded. "Told him it was useless; from what I've been told you're not like his Mary."

"No, I'm not like John's Mary. If that bastard comes anywhere near my children he'll have to get through me, and I'll make damn sure I'll take him with me."

"I don't doubt that."

"Mom, is Dad back?" Molly yelled as she came into the house, Patton padding behind her.

"So this is the other one?" Missouri asked.

Molly stood in the doorway, looking at the other woman who was standing beside her brother's crib.

"Molly, this is Missouri, she's a friend of your dad's," Ellen told the little girl.

"Come here, child," Missouri said. "It's all right, I won't hurt you."

Molly looked at her mother for a second; Ellen nodded at the child, giving her the reassurance to do as the other woman had said.

Missouri looked at the girl. "Oh, honey, you've been through so much already, haven't you?"

Molly pulled back from the woman, but Missouri continued. "You've done more than anyone your age should have."

On sensing Molly's discomfort, Patton stepped forward and growled, causing Missouri to back away.

She looked at Ellen. "You got a good dog there."

"Yeah, we know. He's either following her about or sleeping in this room," Ellen said. "He'd die for her and for Billy."

"Not just that, he'd kill for them too," Missouri stated.

* * *

Ash had come over, and that night the four of them worked out a game plan of what to do when the day came.

Ellen refused to leave, which meant Molly was staying as well.

The night came. John stood at the doorway watching Ellen rock their son in her arms in the nursing chair he had gotten her. Lines had been laid and charms placed. The night passed quickly with no disturbance. That was until they heard the yelp.

Patton had curled up at the bottom of Molly bed within the salt circle that had been laid; he'd not been allowed to sleep in his usual place at the side of the crib. He had felt its coming; he wasn't going to let it happen, not again, not to his pack. He couldn't stop the mob when they had come for his old master, and he wasn't going to let it happen again.

The dog licked the girl, waking her up; she sat up, giving him a hug, telling him he was good dog and that he should go back to sleep like they had been told before they woke up Uncle Ash who although on guard duty was asleep, in a chair in the corner of the room.

Patton ignored her and walked down to the back door, scratching the locked dog flap open like he had done a thousand times before.

It was waiting outside, trying to get in, trying to get at the pups, especially the little runt - wanting to hurt the new one for no reason other than it would cause pain to the master and mistress. Patton wasn't going to let it.

It had taken over a wolf when it found it didn't have the strength to get in, using the animal's keen senses to try and find a weak spot in the bar's defences, but that mean it would have to get through the Rottweiler if it had any hope of getting to the rest of Patton's pack.

Patton didn't growl or bark or call the pack to him for this fight, he just flew at it, the two beasts fighting, neither backing down. Patton going for the other's throat, getting in low and fighting dirty. He wasn't going to lose them.

By the time John got outside, the demon had begun to leave the wolf's body, leaving the animal twitching in agony from its wounds – John quickly put it out of its misery. Patton was lying nearby and John picked him up, bringing him inside, Ash clearing the table to make way for them.

"Stupid mutt," John said under his breath as he set Patton down.

Ellen went for the first aid kit as Molly stood by Ash's side and Missouri held Billy.

The dog whimpered in pain, but it was satisfied he had protected his pack, done his job; the pups were safe and the thing wasn't coming back.

They tried but there was too much blood. "Stupid mutt," John said again, trying to stem the flow.

"Don't go," Molly sobbed, moving over to stroke Patton's face. "Stay, please stay."

Ellen pulled her daughter toward her. "Molly, honey, I'm sorry."

"Daddy, please!" the little girl begged, crying. "Make him better, please."

John had tears in his eyes as the dog breathed its last; having no words for the gratitude he felt for Bobby's old pet.

Ash and John built a pyre as the others watched. It took them hours, but they were done just as the sun began to set. John carried the old dog outside and they gave him a farewell fit for any warrior. Molly cried in her dad's arms as she watched her friend's end.

"He was a good dog, wasn't he?" Molly said between the gulps for air.

"He was the best," John said, looking at the burning pyre, remembering all the times he had fallen over the damn thing in the morning as he went for his morning coffee, how many times he'd found Patton and Molly covered in mud and sitting in the middle of the bar floor. How the dog would come to wake him and Ellen up when Billy had woken up in the middle of the night, before the baby got a chance to start crying. "He was the best."

"Do you think he's in heaven now?" Molly asked.

Missouri choked back the tears. "Yes, honey, he's in heaven now."

"With my other mommy?" she asked.

Ellen looked at the girl. "He'll be looking down on you just like your other mommy does."

"He'll be watching Billy," Molly said seriously. "If she's watching me, he'll watch Billy. I've already got someone watching out for me."

John just pulled his daughter a little closer to him.


	7. Epilogue

Disclaimer - Please see earlier chapters

Final bit of this - Hope it is okay for people - either way let me know what you think, I would really be interested to know, good bad or indifferent.

* * *

The demon cursed; it was unable to get in, unable to hurt Winchester. The child was useless, not like Sam, but hurting it would have hurt Winchester and that would have been enough. The return of that man had weakened it, setting back the plan, but it had time.

Whatever Sam and his weakling of a brother had done, they would be back, and it would mean the plan could be set back in motion, but if not, another generation would come into its own, in time.

Winchester was cosy in the bosom of his new family, leaving the Demon to rebuild his strength, reclaim its previous position without worrying that Winchester was going to butt in. But it wanted more than that, it wanted to hurt John Winchester. Yes, it may not be able to get to the useless child, but there were others it could use to hurt John Winchester.

It searched and it found them.

One was sitting in a cell, hugging his knees and trying not to cry as the men in white stood behind the one way glass; the demon stared at the boy who refused to acknowledge its presence, looking at the wall, ignoring what the demon tried to mutter in his ear.

The boy had another focus, a goal that mattered to him more than life itself: to get through the next few weeks, to get back to his unit, to prove the men in the white coats he was a good solider, and he would take their orders and only their orders.

"494, stand up."

The boy snapped to attention on the command.

The demon scowled; this one would be no good.

It found the other hiding among the bins at the back of an old Chinese restaurant. This one didn't have a goal, this one was alone, and this one listened.

The boy rocked himself, trying to keep warm, as he heard the voice in his head telling him that those that walked the streets were nothing but chattel to be toyed with, that they had to prove that they were worthy of life.

The boy resisted, shaking his head. "I'm a good solider, I am a good solider."

The demon continued to mutter in the boy's ear and the boy's chanting intensified. "493 is a good solider, Ben is not a bad one."

The boy let out a tear, "The lady will protect me, I promise to be good, the lady will protect me."

* * *

**Well that is it for this one - so I hope that is okay for those who wanted the blanks filled in.**

** I do have another bit - if people want to know, just basically how John met Alec with a little MA on the side if you squint. So PM me to let know if anyone wants it or not.**


	8. Author Note

Just to let people know there is a kind of a sequel to this now up in the Dark Angel category, it's there because it was set more in that world.

It's called - **Isn't it surprising what you see on the news.**


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